InsaneJournal

Thirteen

Will had been up quite early. He just couldn’t sleep because of this… um… urge. He couldn’t really describe it any other way. It was just there when he woke up. The urge to wash and put on his clean shirt, and breeches and to wash his hair; in short to look presentable – for Mary, his mind silently added. It had been almost a month now since they have met and they saw each other as often as they could, mostly on the beach. But today was special. Mary was coming to the smithy. And Will felt more nervous than ever. It must have been because of the dress, he didn’t have any other explanation, but he still saw Mary as a fine lady – not listening to an evil voice in his head that whispered she was neither, really. He wanted to impress her, to make her feel proud of being with him and being seen with him on the street.

So he got up early, washed and dressed and of course he was ready way too early for her to arrive, so he sat down on his bed and pulled out the small chest in which he kept the few things he held dear. Not much was in it, only a silk scarf he had got from Elizabeth many years ago – a red one, she had always asked him to bind it on his head like a pirate when she had sneaked out of her father’s house to play with him on the beach. She used to play Pirate King and he was supposed to be her first mate, he hated it as much as he hated pirates but played along, she was one of his very few friends after all, he didn’t want to anger her.

There was a letter from James, the only one he had ever got from him, it was a polite reply to the clumsy letter of a young boy who desperately wanted to learn how to handle a sword properly. Beside the letter was a small piece of white cloth; one day, many years after the favourable answer, James accidentally injured Will’s hand slightly and then tore a piece from his shirt and bound the wound – that was the first time Will shivered at James’ touch. And of course there was his mother’s cook book, the one he wanted to show Mary. He tried to stop his mind from wandering to the fact that there was nothing in the small chest that could remind him of Sarah, he tried not to think of how he had burned all the tokens of their friendship. He put the book of recipes on the bed, put away his other treasures, and started reading – something he hadn’t done for years.

Mary was excited, more than a little so. She was going to get to spend the entire day with Will, and she was sure it would be fabulous. She too, had woken early. She had taken a long bath, scrubbing herself until she was sure she'd sparkle in the sunlight. She'd made sure to lace her corset tighter than usual, as she wasn't working today, so it was only proper to have it straight laced. Pulling it all the way shut. It was harder to breath, sure, but it made her already slim feminine figure look tiny, and hips more prominent. She pulled on her lacy britches, tying them on the side, and then pulled on white stockings to her thighs, tying pink ribbon around them to keep them in place. Then the golden shoes to match the dress she was going to wear. She paused to look at herself in the mirror. White chemise covered her britches, and sat well under her corset. She was thankful she'd had time to make a new one. On went the dress then, and she carefully clipped the front closed, looking at herself once more. But still, she was not finished. Now came the hair. Which she let down for the most part, hooking up the side to tie in a golden ribbon, and place little white flowers here and there. It was coming along. She did her make-up next, covering up the three little freckles on her upper chest. Freckles were frowned upon after all. Then lined her upper and lower eyelids with kohl. She pinched her cheeks until they were a light pink, and then smeared rouge over her lips. She cleaned her hands, and pulled on a black choker, and grabbed the little white clutch she'd made, and the fan she'd found on the street. The lace had needed replacing, and it now looked good as new.

She took the money she'd saved up, and the extra Tom had insisted she'd take after hearing she was going to spend the day with young Mr.Turner. And then, finally looking like the most heavenly creature, she went downstairs... only to realize it was far too early to leave. So she waited... and waited. Pacing back and forth, fluttering her fan. Finally she stepped out and made her way to the smithy... and then paced outside there a while longer. Before walking away nervously, and then going back minutes later. Gloves! Dear god, she'd forgotten to wear gloves! Mary began to panic, as she turned heel and ran hurried to a disrespectable alley, where thieves lurked... managing to barter for a pair of lace gloves... that were overpriced for being stolen, and used... but it didn't matter. And yet again, she was back at the smithy... gloves on, fan fluttering. She was breathing heavily, and waited a while until she was calm and composed, before knocking softly on the door. Oooh, maybe she should have just worn a plain dress! This was too much, she looked over-done. She started to worry, looking over herself. After all, she wasn't a lady of class... she should have just worn her working clothes... maybe she should go change... yes, yes... maybe she should go change. She murmured to herself, beginning to turn from the shop once more.

Will had fallen asleep over the book and was only woken up by the knock. He quickly stood up and headed to the door, terribly conscious that now his clean clothes looked as if he had been wearing them for days and his hair that he had carefully bound together with a black ribbon, well, let’s just say he looked as if he had been attacked by a hoard of stinking pirates. Great. Just great. But there was no time to do anything about his appearance now, so he just sighed and opened the door, which made Mary turn back towards him. Will just stood there for long minutes staring at Mary. He couldn’t really find his voice. She was just utterly beautiful even with make-up, something he had never really understood the need for, why hide an otherwise nice face under ridiculous colours? It was as if women wanted to look like parrots. Or maybe it was that most women overdid it, he didn’t know. Anyway, he was quite surprised that on Mary it didn’t bother him at all. She really did look stunning and made him feel quite bad for not paying even more attention to how he looked.

“Um… come inside… sorry, I just… you’re so beautiful.” He finally said blushing slightly, and then stepping aside to let Mary in and leading her into his room behind the shop.

"Oh... I... I'm over dressed..." She said, following Will into his little room.

It hadn’t occurred to him before but now somehow it seemed almost indecent to invite her into his room and the thought made him even more nervous than he already was. There was not much in his room, only a bed, a very old table, two chairs and a chest for his clothes and other belongings. It was a rather sad sight, but Will didn’t really need much. He spent all his time in the smithy working until late at night and practiced sword fighting in his free time, he only ever came into his room to sleep, so he had never recognized before how empty it looked, but now he almost wanted to leave right away. “This is the book I have been telling you about.” He said finally sitting down on his bed, as if to distract Mary from looking at his room.

She looked around, and absently sat on his bed. "It's very nice." She said, honestly. She'd never had her own room until working for Tom, so to her, this was really quite impressive. "You should bring flowers in though... it would make it brighter..." She had flowers all over Tom's home. She looked at the book then, thumbing through it. She was terrified to see there were no pictures... not even a sketch. How would she ever know how to make any of it, if she didn't know what it looked like? She began to flutter her fan nervously...

"It's um... it looks..." She cleared her throat, "Its letters look very pretty..." She said, pointing to a group of what were actually numbers, for serving sizes. Then her eyes caught something on the bed.

"Oh no!" She stood quickly, bending the best she could to pick at the blanket. "Oh, Will! You have a tear!" She said, as if it were the worst thing in the world, even if it was only a tiny hole. "Do you have needle and thread? I can mend that straight away, for you." She said fussing over it. Will couldn’t help but burst out laughing.

“No, you won’t mend it, Mary. It’s your day off, and I won’t let you work.” He said pulling her back down on the bed beside him. “Now, I might have offered you my mother’s cook book, but I certainly don’t want you to turn into my mother. Quite the opposite actually.” He added silently turning his head towards her, only then realizing how close she really was. He couldn’t help it, he had to lean closer and taste her lips. It was just a short meeting of lips, but it promised so much and made Will crave more even as he pulled away. Mary's eyes fluttered shut at the kiss, and she smiled at Will.

"I... I just want to make sure your things are nice... I mean... I don't want you to get cold... If the hole gets bigger..." She was speaking to him, but her eyes were staring at his lips. She was quiet a moment before leaning forward to kiss him again... she couldn't help it, really... he was just so... kissable.

It was so good to feel her soft lips against his, her small, warm body so close. It just felt too good to pull away. Mary was like the fire in the fireplace on a cold winter evening back in England and at the same time like the summer breeze in the unbearable heat of the Caribbean.  She made him feel safe and protected even though he was nervous about living up to his own expectations. Maybe it was this safety that made him want her so much, maybe she really was the cure for his pained heart. He didn’t know. But one thing was for sure, he couldn’t let go, he needed more. He leaned closer and closer to deepen the kiss even more until they were already lying on the bed. He tried to keep his hand from roaming over her body but it still found its way to her ankles and under her dress… over her knees… her thighs… between her legs… But then suddenly Will pulled back, blushing furiously and terribly embarrassed, not looking at Mary at all. Mary really hadn't minded, she was more than willing to let him... but then Will pulled back. And she knew why. She let out a shaky breath, looking away. She was silent for a second before covering her face with her hands.

"I'm sorry..." She whispered, sitting up quickly. "I'm sorry... I... I..." She clamped her eyes shut, pressing her hands down against her lap. She took a breath, before moving over to Will. "I'm sorry..." She said again, it was obviously all her fault. After all, her looks were do deceiving.. Will must have forgotten... "Do you want me to go?" She asked, unable to look at him. She was so ashamed, and it was written all over her face.

“What?” Will was all confused he didn’t understand why Mary was apologizing to him, when he should be the one begging her forgiveness, so he felt. But then he realized what Mary must have thought and he quickly took her hand in his. “No, no, you don’t understand, it’s not that… I promise… it’s not…” he said kissing her hand and holding it close to his face. “I should be apologizing to you. I was… too forward, I shouldn’t have touched you like that… I had no right. Please forgive me.” He added with huge brown eyes full of regret with a hint of longing he could not hide. She looked at him through long lashes for a moment, pout in her pretty face.

"You can touch me however you want to, Will..." She said softly, nodding slowly. "I didn't mind..." She took Will's larger hand, and brought it up to her mouth, kissing his palm. "You can have me, if you want me..." She continued her soft tone, guiding Will's hand down her front, and stand on her knees. She moved William's hand under her skirts, and up her outer thigh, and behind to her britch-covered rear. "Is that what you want, William?" She ask softly, leaning down to give him a better feel. It was obvious why men could care less about her gender to get to that rear... it was... in very few words... perfect. Round, pert, and firm... it was what eight out of ten men wanted her for. "I don't mind, Will..." She would do anything to make the other happy, and keep him satisfied. She knew what it meant... but didn't want to admit to herself, she could fall so easily.

Will tried to protest but it just felt too amazing to stop. Her body was really perfect and he just had to feel her, had to have her. He tried to stop himself, to let go of her, but his need was stronger than his will and his hands were already pushing away any clothing that was in the way. He didn’t stop kissing her for a moment, only when he reached for the lamp oil. His mind wasn’t properly working anymore, his desire took over completely and stifled the tiny voice that kept screaming at him to stop. He slid one, then two fingers inside her, but his patience soon faded away and he pushed inside her as slowly as he could. He did try to be careful, to take care of her, but he couldn’t fight his own body that soon fell into an even rhythm. It just had been too long. It felt wonderful to be inside Mary, she made him moan and gasp, it was amazing, pure Heaven and he hated it all. All too soon he finished with a deep moan and immediately pulled out of Mary, pulled his breeches back on and sat on the edge of the bed, his head in his hands, his face unreadable.

It hadn't affected her, not really. She'd attempted to make breathy moans to coax Will on, to turn him on. It hurt a bit, she'd not been with anyone since she'd left England. Be she didn't complain, and didn't let on. She'd thought Will would have been happy... that he'd have enjoyed it. But... he didn't seem to. She'd actually had the crazy notion he might have held her a moment... but he'd been just as quick as anyone else to pull out and move away. And still, she did not think anything of it. She didn't expect it. There was nothing special to be found there... it's just how it went. She could already feel Will's seed flowing down the back of her legs, but was more concerned with crawling over to Will. Coming up behind him, and wrapping her arms around him, kissing along his neck.

"What the matter?" She asked softly, "You... didn't like it?" She ran her hands over his hair. "I know I'm not a virgin... but I thought I'd still be... um..." She blushed, not entirely sure what was on Will's mind.

Will gently pushed her hand away and stood up. He went to the table and poured himself something to drink, and not looking at Mary, he said very silently, in a voice that clearly showed he wouldn’t say more: “Maybe you should leave.”

"Will?" She asked, grabbing her britches and pulling them on quickly, tying up the side. She adjusted her clothes back into place and moved over to the other, attempting to take his head. "Will, what's the matter?" She asked, worried now, eyes full of concern.

Will just shook his head and pulled away from her again. “Please. Just go.”

She looked at him, her lower lip began to quiver, and she nodded quickly. Moving over and grabbing her things, she got out of there as fast as she could. She ran all the way home, where Tom was still attempting to make coffee. He suddenly had an arm full of sobbing, wheezing Mary.

"He hates me! I made him hate me!" She cried, kohl mixing with her tears and running down her face. No one ever wanted her after they'd had her. She should have known better! She'd just wanted to make Will happy, and please him... and now she'd lost him! She was so stupid!::